I really need to vent this out.
It has been almost 2 years since I graduated. I am an engineer by qualification but so far, I am not, professionally. What went wrong for the past 2 years, I do not know.
Before I decided to come back for good, I received verbal offers from my supervisor and lecturer to work in their respective company. But I turned down the offers for my loved ones are here, in Malaysia. I was overwhelmed at the thought of tying the knot with my fiance (then boyfriend) so I dissed the idea of working overseas although the prospect of the field that I studied is vast there. In other words, I could easily be what I dream to be.
For loved ones, I turned down the offers and sacrificed my dream.
Coming back, I was a hot-shot graduate so full of dreams. Dreams of making the world a better place to live. Literally. Then come the devastating part. Rejections came in bulk, one after another. I was grasping at what was only available at that time, so I landed with my first job.
I was not happy. I was not satisfied. I believe that I can do more than what I did. 3 months working, I was on looking for another job. Job interviews after another, still nothing gained. I was deeply frustrated. Hearing people talk about their career, salary and how proud some of my friends with their current job during our lepak-ing session didn't really help. What it help is only to deplete my self-esteem.
Job # 2 doesn't make any much different either. It's a cry far from what I want. You may think that I am insatiable but trust me, I am not. I am a simple person. I believe that person can excel well if s/he is passionate in whatever they do. But I am not passionate with what I am doing now, so how can I excel?
I saw few offers on job portal the other day. Similar to what I want. But it's not within Klang Valley. But then I thought, I have been thinking about others so much that I have neglected my better judgment and most importantly myself. Career is something that is important to me. When you have Type A traits and is goal-driven, you'll understand. At my current state, I have nothing to be proud of. I drive a national car whose price depletes half within a year, I barely make the ends meet with my current salary, I do not earn 80K allowance for 3 months off-shore job, I would think twice if buying a branded leather purse would cause me to not eat lunch for a week. I also do not have a husband (yet) that can financially support me and kids. Well, not that I would depend on my spouse to finance me.
Sad and depressing, isn't it?
After much late night sleep of thinking, I decided that it's time to follow my heart even if it took me to China to do so. So I click "Apply" and deposit my resume. Now, it takes a little bit of luck and lots of prayers.
If the time comes, I am sure we can figure things out.