I really need to vent this out.

It has been almost 2 years since I graduated. I am an engineer by qualification but so far, I am not, professionally. What went wrong for the past 2 years, I do not know.

Before I decided to come back for good, I received verbal offers from my supervisor and lecturer to work in their respective company. But I turned down the offers for my loved ones are here, in Malaysia. I was overwhelmed at the thought of tying the knot with my fiance (then boyfriend) so I dissed the idea of working overseas although the prospect of the field that I studied is vast there. In other words, I could easily be what I dream to be.

For loved ones, I turned down the offers and sacrificed my dream.

Coming back, I was a hot-shot graduate so full of dreams. Dreams of making the world a better place to live. Literally. Then come the devastating part. Rejections came in bulk, one after another. I was grasping at what was only available at that time, so I landed with my first job.

I was not happy. I was not satisfied. I believe that I can do more than what I did. 3 months working, I was on looking for another job. Job interviews after another, still nothing gained. I was deeply frustrated. Hearing people talk about their career, salary and how proud some of my friends with their current job during our lepak-ing session didn't really help. What it help is only to deplete my self-esteem.

Job # 2 doesn't make any much different either. It's a cry far from what I want. You may think that I am insatiable but trust me, I am not. I am a simple person. I believe that person can excel well if s/he is passionate in whatever they do. But I am not passionate with what I am doing now, so how can I excel?

I saw few offers on job portal the other day. Similar to what I want. But it's not within Klang Valley. But then I thought, I have been thinking about others so much that I have neglected my better judgment and most importantly myself. Career is something that is important to me. When you have Type A traits and is goal-driven, you'll understand. At my current state, I have nothing to be proud of. I drive a national car whose price depletes half within a year, I barely make the ends meet with my current salary, I do not earn 80K allowance for 3 months off-shore job, I would think twice if buying a branded leather purse would cause me to not eat lunch for a week. I also do not have a husband (yet) that can financially support me and kids. Well, not that I would depend on my spouse to finance me.

Sad and depressing, isn't it?

After much late night sleep of thinking, I decided that it's time to follow my heart even if it took me to China to do so. So I click "Apply" and deposit my resume. Now, it takes a little bit of luck and lots of prayers.

If the time comes, I am sure we can figure things out.


NahWaL said...

way to go moose!. i think at one time or another we choose family over career. the earlier you choose 'career', the better.

masa aku drive tadi pon, aku terfikir pasal harini dapat gaji. otomatik aku terfikir gaji ptd, but then wouldnt it be too late to apply bla3.

nak kawen kan. haish.

good luck! nak microwave thank u

Adda Shariff said...

how about waking up everyday (ok tak, tipu..more like selalu je la) to the fact that there's no excitement in my job now? member2lain dok citer pasal diorg wat all sort of things whilst i stuck in the office n do petty things. giler suck to the max. nak cari keje lain..tp pikir, almost 2 years aku keje sini..tak byk mende aku wat...ape aku nak 'jual' kat firm lain on my skills. hampehx! skang dah down..T_T

anyway, chaiyok moose! carik job satisfaction now! dont wait..! lagpon family will always be around :D

Moose said...

klo nak apply ptd baik sekarang, sebab the government is actually looking for someone young to join them. got the offer of sitting an exam for ptd few months ago but i turned it down. working in government is not really my dream. aku nak jadi engineer jugak, boleh? HAHA.

yes, if i can have it my way. i'd choose career over anything but then career won't hug you back during your lonely sleep. finding a balance between family and career is difficult and women to be known to choose family over career. and i am torn between those two. truth to say, i am not really a family oriented person, my fiance is. i (still) have doubts about having kids and all. i am selfish when it comes to needs.

Moose said...

exactly! i totally understand your feeling. bila bangun pagi nothing excites you about work. and about the no skill to sell tu, i was thinking the same jugak! it's like i was torn between;

klo carik kerja skrg, wont look good on resume, future employer will think i am not loyal, suka job-hopping.


klo stay lama sket i gain nothing, what kind of skill i would sell to future employer?

marilah sama2 carik kerja lain. huhu

NahWaL said...

haritu aku dah lepas sampai pac. tapi time pac aku main2. datang selebet2 bagai sebab takot aku dapat offer kat tempat lain. bole? tak dapat interview lagi dah berangan. takpala if rezeki aku aku akan pergi lagi. ace. mmm

Adda Shariff said...

ya allah! betol giler kot..! mcm kalau cari keje lain, tgk resume tak impressive giler...title of 'professional career' tuh cam tak bermakna..nak2 kalau future employer tanye.."do u involve in construction management?" "what kind of design do u do?" crap. tuh kalau masuk bab advance technical, habis. melohong menganga la takde jawapan..huhu

tuhan nak ajar kite jadi berani skit kot. dgn venture new and unexpected things. apalagi, marilah mencari keje lain! :D

Freak said...

Tak pe2 apply jek,janji bekerja tak menganggur, nanti dapat gaji banyak leh bagi kat org skit :)))

The Spasmodic Scribbler said...

No doubt money is important but if forever we compare our work with the amount of money we have, we will never be satisfied my dear.

So the best thing is, to love what you do. If you don't like it and you are not happy with it, have some guts and leave. That's what I would do.

So good luck on finding the right job for you! Just remember money is not always everything but once you have passion for the thing you work, money will make its way, trust me. =)

Oh by the way, offshore is not that fun. Trust me. Especially during monsoon season.

Moose said...

honestly money is not what i'm looking for but of course if the job comes with extra, why not? I was looking for a job that i am passionate about and more than enough to have the guts to leave my current job when the offer comes but so far, after 2 years it just didn't. maybe my rezeki hasn't come yet. my current job is just a transition from my previous job to the dream job.

Zhiyauzzaman Haikal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Moose said...

syg, can't you be more discreet and not mention my industry? ishhhh, God knows who else reads my blog. it could be potential employers you know.

Moose said...

i am sorry for i have to delete your comment as i will get the chance of getting exposed

The Spasmodic Scribbler said...

It's okay Moose. Insya-Allah if ada rezeki, you'll get it. Sometimes better thing comes later when we least expect it =)

Just don't lose faith. Faith is the only thing that you have.

Zhiyauzzaman Haikal said...

time is running out and we r getting old every second. U can't forever hope to get that only 1 dream job of yours and won't try any other options. My advice is..give yourself a dateline to get that job. After that if u still can't get it, treat it as if God wants u to do sumthing else. Definitely He knows better what u're supposed to do. In life, there are times that u need to stick to only 1 thing, but there are also times u need to be more flexible. Explore your other capabilities and i'm sure u'll enjoy ur life more, rather than keep on being depressed for the same reason over & over again.

sara said...

at least you have the guts to do so babe.finding a job i mean.sometimes i feel that i am at a comfort zone but i don't enjoy what i do either. so ntah..conflict.

good luck in finding a new job.