Happy Birthday and Mother's Day

We are going for a 10-days trip tomorrow! Yeehoo!! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Excited because we're going on a cruise trip for 7 days which starts in Rome and going all the way to Sicily (Italy), Greece and Turkey. I'm nervous because Aqil has (finally) started eating and I don't know how I should do it because he has only started on solid for a week and I'm still a newbie when it comes to baby food. But all I know I don't trust instant/jar baby food because I read citric acid is even added to an organic baby food and as far as I know citric acid is a PRESERVATIVE. Call me an extremist but no way I'm putting that into his body this early. Maybe in the future if it's unavoidable but for now, it's a no.

Hence me buying a second hand Beaba babycook and lugging it on board just to make sure his gut is free of preservatives (as for now) and be filled with his mama's nutritious self-prepared puree. I'm very cautious about what goes into his stomach as he has infantile eczema. Sadly he got it from his momma, yo. Though his condition is very very very mild (his dry patches cleared in a week with Moogoo) but I don't wanna chance anything. Better be safe than sorry.

But because of the Beaba, we might have an excess baggage! *cries*

My birthday is coming up this weekend (nak jugak bagitau. HAHA). I've been hinting H with my wishlist i.e. handbags (as a typical woman, what else?) but by the looks of it, he's ignoring it. Damn. According to him, he already bought me a Storksak when we were in London, which can be counted as a handbag slash diaper bag. Oh well, worse come to worst, I'll consider the cruise trip as my birthday (and Mother's day) gift. Ngeh ngeh.

But I will definitely buy something for myself. Something valuable and has significant meaning like gold, for example.

Gold.



Old.


T______________T


To all mothers out there, here's a video on mothers from a child's perspective. Kinda bring me to tears. I have a mother's heart now, I'm allowed to be sappy. Haha.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Our (humble) journey, thus far

(a long entry waiting ahead)

Bismilllahirrahmanirrahim..

Dah lama nak tulis pasal breastfeeding journey tapi segan nak tulis awal-awal nanti orang cakap, poyo ah kau Moose baru beberapa bulan dah sibuk nak tulis breastfeeding journey bagai. So since I've hit the crucial breastfeeding milestone of 6 months, only now I feel comfortable to write my or rather our humble journey down.

During the seconds when Aqil was born, I was so eager to breastfeed him there and then but unfortunately he had some problems with breathing and was taken to the NICU and I only got to hold him for about 10 minutes. Later that night, we visited him and I still couldn't breastfeed him then because he was on breathing machine and a feeding tube was inserted into his mouth. He was fed with donors milk that night after we signed our consent. The next morning, a midwife came to check on me and taught me how to hand-expressed the milk (marmet). Alhamdulillah, the milk was there and despite a bit clumsy, I managed to hand-expressed about 10ml of the "liquid gold" or colostrum for him. That was his first taste of my milk. His breathing equipment was only taken off on the third day so from day 1, there was no direct feeding. I've tried breastfeeding him on day 4 and because my boobs were engorged, he couldn't latch onto it properly.

To cut the (sad) story short, since he was on feeding tube from day 1, he couldn't latch or rather he didn't know how to latch. Furthermore, he was fed with almost 40-55ml (1.5-2 oz) every 3 hours to maintain his weight and that, leaved him with no room to feel hungry and wanting to "work" for food. I felt very devastated and helpless with the whole situation. Seeing that I struggled to have Aqil latched, a nurse suggested me to use a nipple shield and it worked like magic. He could finally latch on!

Since breastfeeding especially the act of sucking takes a lot of preemie's energy and because of that, our breastfeeding session was kept to a maximum of 30 minutes. The rest, he was fed via tube with the milk that I pumped out. To be honest, when he was at the hospital, because of the amount that was assigned for him, there were times when I couldn't meet up his demand. Remember that we signed the consent letter for donor's milk? I innocently thought that even if I couldn't meet his demand, he will still be on breast milk from the donors. I was shocked when I found out that he was already fed with formula milk after he was moved from the intensive care room to the intermediate care room. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula milk but it was more like a regret towards the hospital of not informing us of the act.

Since that day, something inside of me snapped. I felt like I failed to provide the best for my baby. I've become borderline obsessed with pumping that I pumped every 2-3 hours instead of 3-4 hours. I'd wake up in the middle of the night to do power pumping. I also tried out every possible milk boosters just for the sake if they could increase the milk production. Dates, red dates & longan tea, nursing tea, milk, cheese, white radish - you name it, I've tried it. Orang cakap usaha itu datang dari pelbagai cara and I was doing every thing that I possibly can. It was draining out my energy but I ignored it because I was partly blaming myself that earlier on I chose to sleep rather than pumping out and my son had to take the consequences and had to drink FM. I didn't mean to offend anyone because this was more of my inner battle coupled with frustration, anger and postpartum hormone imbalance back then.

Breastfriend at the hospital

When he was discharged from the hospital, he was still on the feeding tube and we opted for a home hospital care whereby the nurses will visit and monitor his progress for 2 weeks. I was still pumping and breastfeeding him using the nipple shield. After 2 weeks the tube was taken out and I was finally feeding him directly with the help of the nipple shield. Again alhamdulillah, despite reading the disadvantages of using nipple shield and what it can do to your milk supply, I've never experienced any dropping or shortage of supply. Probably because I don't pump so much (so I didn't know the volume) and just concentrate on direct feeding since I'm a SAHM.

Breastfriend at home

So, when he was about 3 months old, I've decided that probably it was time to wean him off from the shields. There is nothing wrong using the shields but it can be quite a hassle when you're out and NIP. The first few days were frustrating and yes, there were times when I felt like giving up, broke down, stressed out and cry but luckily I didn't. I am just too stubborn to quit. One of the things that you should know about me is that, I must finish what I've started. Winners never quit, I always say to myself.

Then one day, he taken me by surprised by latching on perfectly! I was (and still am) a proud mama. From then on, he latched like a pro and I've never been any prouder and grateful. And we enjoy our breastfeeding journey even more from then on. Even though we've hit 6 months, since he was born prematurely, his adjusted age is only 5 months so technically I still have another month to go before I started to introduce solid food to him. But honestly, I don't feel any pressure to do so. I'm just not ready to introduce solid to him but of course, we'll see how it goes later.

Breastfeeding is a natural process but for some people it may take a lot of work. Our breastfeeding journey was/is a roller coaster of emotions. It takes a lot of perseverance, determination, courage, discipline, patience and doa to come to where we are now. This is such a humbling experience to me and in a way it teaches me that sometimes, you gotta have faith in yourself and your baby as both of you are in it - together as a team. (dah bunyi macam tagline MLM pun ada gak. Kahkah)

Alhamdulillah, we've come so far and like every one else, I'd hope to continue this journey for another 1.5 years.

Yeah, boys (and breastfeeding) rule!

Insya Allah.

Til then, happy breastfeeding!

Kuasa Cucu

When I gave birth unexpectedly in September, my mom wanted to come here together with MIL and SIL but due to her own reasons, she never did make it. This time around, after countless times Skype-ing with Aqil, she's determine to come and is tagging my father along.

They're arriving on this coming Sunday.

I mean, how can you not come when you see this face?

PDA - public display of adorableness

Oh God, I AM becoming those moms who constantly upload their kid(s) photos on any thinkable social media. Shoot me now.

Mom and Dad get to meet their grandson. And I get to meet this,

Hello KFC, it's been a while!


p/s: Dengar cerita KFC's mashed potato konon dibuat dengan tahi minyak ayam? Jangan tabur fitnah Cik Salmah. Baca entry Huda ni dulu.

Bugaboo Bee

We are still in Oslo, in case you're wondering about the lack of updates. Because our visas (Aqil & I) are delayed, we didn't go back to Malaysia last month as we planned. We don't know how long we're going to stay here though but technically H's (training) contract is going to end in April but he has been (verbally) asked to stay til September. Problem is, his contract hasn't been renewed so we're pretty much left hanging.

Since there might be a possibility returning home sooner than we thought, H and I decided to sell our Brio pram. We loved it and it has been nothing but wonderful (esp. on snow) to use but let's face it, it's not exactly the kind of pram what would fit into a small sized cars we own back home. So with mixed feelings and heavy heart, he advertised it on Finn.no, a Norwegian trading website similar to Mudah.my.

We thought that it would take some time for us to get a buyer but a day later, 2 potential buyers were interested and wanna see it right away! We were quite surprised when a buyer wanted to buy it right away. We didn't even buy a replacement stroller yet! After negotiating, the buyer agreed to hold the purchase until the weekend.

We've been eyeing for few strollers for quite some time and one that struck the most to us is the ever stylish Bugaboo Bee. H likes it so much that he cannot stop thinking about it since he first saw it. Hehe. This time around, we want a stroller that:

• lightweight and compact when fold
• the seat can face forward and back (the main criteria that I look for!)
• fully reclinable
• easy to maneuver

Bugaboo Bee has all that except the seat cannot be 180 degree reclinable. Another cons is that, the wheels are small and it can be quite a hassle in (thick) snow but it's now March and most of the snow (in Oslo) is melting by now and we're living in a city so snow isn't as thick as it is in outskirt areas.

We were in awe with Bugaboo Bee Neon limited edition with its black frame, neon green wheels and navy blue canvas with neon green trimming but the price is JUST SO RIDICULOUS! We're cheapo so we stick to the normal edition.

So we tested and paid. And before we know it, ta-da ada budak kecik dah rasmi. Kehkeh.

And the verdict? As much as I miss the Brio (the large storage compartment actually) when it comes to handling, nothing beats this one. It's super easy to steer (I've been to off-road walks with my friends from moms group and trust me, it handles rough terrain quite well), small in size and lightweight. It might not be as sturdy as Brio but that mainly due to its small size. We were in a bus one day and it can swerve to one side if the bus driver is driving roughly but that's small issue because you're not supposed to leave the stroller and your baby unattended anyway.

Out of 5 stars, I'd give this stroller a 4.5. Half because the storage compartment isn't big and you have to access it from front.

Susah nak sumbat barang shopping, tau?

Body Talk

So yesterday was Valentine's Day. Not that we were celebrating it or anything but 3 years ago, we were engaged on the day and suddenly I was feeling nostalgic when looking back at all our engagement photos and reminiscing the good time (and how skinny I was back then!). I think I weighed about 50+ kg kot masa tu. I just joined the gym and man, I was loving my body. Not bonny skinny but toned skinny.

Now sure if you get the drift but for short, my body was hot la. HAHAHA. Perasan.

Don't hate me. Peace no war. HAHA

Yes, it WAS. Now I feel like a blob. Sad.

I still look skinny and I already got my pre-pregnancy weight back but really, for someone who just gained 6-7 kg during the pregnancy, it wasn't that hard. I lost all the pregnancy weight 1 month into confinement and I wasn't doing anything particular. I eat like nobody's business and hungry all the time because I'm breastfeeding. I even jokingly told my husband that I eat more now than when I was pregnant. It's the truth, really. No kidding there. Breastfeeding moms can attest to this.

I would love to start exercising again to tone the body but it's winter (alasan!) so I can't jog. Besides, Aqil is fully on the breasts so I can't leave him with anyone since we don't bottle-trained him because of personal reasons (will blog more about this but I don't know when). The only exercise that I'm doing is walking and if you live without your own transportation, you are bound to do it, a lot. And it's free, so yay!

Hopefully once the weather is a bit warmer, we or I can go to parks for a walk. It's nicer to go to parks when it's not freezing cold and the ground is not laced with snow and ice. And I don't have to frantically look for cafe/deli/restaurant if Aqil suddenly wakes up for milk because I can nurse him there and then. Oslo is practically a breastfeeding friendly place so you won't get stared at if you are NiP. So, another yay!

Tell me - how do you mommies, lose the pregnancy weight?

Supposedly Your Birth Day

This entry was meant to be published on 1/11 tapi semenjak jadi mak budak ni blog agak sedikit terabai maka lantaklah labu.

Dear Son,

It's amazing how time flies. Five weeks ago, your father and I were wondering how it would feel having you around when the day finally comes. Truthfully, I can't even remember how it feels not having you around. Ok I lied, mommy used to have enough sleep. Hehe. But that doesn't matter but I guess you already knew that or else I won't be waking up almost every hour to cater your needs.

Yes, the first couple weeks of your life were hectic. It broke my heart to see tubes and wires attached all over your tiny yet strong body. But you, my feisty little dragon braved it all.

We couldn't thank Allah enough.

Now here you are, with your cheeky and tiny self, lighten and brighten up our day, every single day without fail. And did you know that today is supposedly your birth day?

I guess even you can't wait to meet us.

Happy 33 days old, Aqil Qays.

Love, hugs and kisses;

Mama

The Birth Story

So, where shall I begin?

My son is sleeping, H has started working after 3 weeks of paternity leave and I finally have some time to write about the birth story of my son. On 29th September, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy at 35 weeks and 3 days of his gestational age and due to that, he's considered as a late term preemie.

(This might be the beginning of a super long entry)

28th September

I went out to meet my husband for some grocery shopping after Friday prayer. We had late lunch at a Pakistani restaurant and when I went to the loo, I noticed some brown tinged stain and instantly knew that I just had a bloody show. Called two friends to ask about their opinions, one told me that she never had any bloody show for her two daughters so she couldn't advice more. Another friend told me that a bloody show could indicate that the labor is nearer but couldn't say more as it differs from a person to another.

Decided to take things lightly, we went grocery shopping as usual. At 7-ish pm, I decided to call the hospital for advice. Hospital said that I need not to worry but asked me to call them again if "fresh blood" came out instead of brown tinged stain or if I felt any contraction.

Nothing unusual happened that night.

29th September

Woke up for Subuh prayer and saw that menstruation-like blood stained my underwear. During this time, I felt no contraction at all. Around 6.45am, I couldn't sleep and felt very mild period pain. I hadn't had any period pain for the longest time so it was difficult to tell at first. I got up and hand-washed all the baby wool clothes that I'm saving till the end, hehe, and later set aside clothes for the hospital bag.

Around 8.15am, I tried to catch up reading the book - HypnoBirthing, The Mongan Method that I just received FOC on Wednesday from a lady I contacted via FB, while listening to the rainbow relaxation music. I practiced the relaxation breathing technique and read a bit on the J-breathing, all of these while my husband was sleeping. After some time, I decided to time the contraction for an hour and was positively sure it was an 5-1-1. I woke H up and told him that we might have to go to the hospital soon.

H was panicking but I was taking my own sweet time to pack the hospital bag. Haha. The hospital is only 5 minutes away, so what's the rush?

Before leaving the house, I had breakfast (more likely brunch, it was 12+ pm!), called my mom and H was Whatsapp-ing his parents.

Checked in at the hospital and the midwife performed CTG and vaginal examination (VE). Contrary to popular beliefs, VE IS NOT PAINFUL. I was about 1 cm dilated and baby was still high. I was on CTG for a while before the midwife came back and said that I might be warded for monitoring since I was still only 35 weeks pregnant.

CTG monitoring at the maternity ward

Was ushered to the labor room and the labor room midwife, Jutta greeted me. I wanted to eat first since I haven't eaten anything for lunch. Had few slices of bread, jam and cheese at the ward pantry. Contractions came and go at this stage. After lunch at around 4pm, I was put on constant electronic fetal monitoring (EFM) despite my refusal. I had no choice but to obey since it was a premature labor.

At this stage, contractions were at 5 minutes interval but getting intense and opening was at 2-3cm. While waiting, I managed to read the hypnobirth book especially on the birthing breathing. During the early hours, I also managed to recite surah Maryam, Yasin and listening to rainbow relaxation. H was reciting Quranic verses for air selusuh and hearing him reciting it, it helped me to doze off before intense surges came.

At 6.30pm, the midwife came to check upon me and at that time, I was 3-4 cm dilated. She came with a medical student for observation and jokingly told me that I was not a good example of laboring patient because I looked calm. LOL. Contractions were bearable at this point and I practiced slow breathing according to the book. Jutta offered few pain relief methods such as sterile water for injection, epidural and acupuncture. I politely declined (as I was determined to have drug-free and all natural birth) but told her that I'll keep her offer in mind.

Around 7-7.30pm, the contractions were getting more and more intense. Had 3 of those while I was in the toilet up to the point, I said - screw hypnobirth, give me epidural. Unfortunately, there were 2 ladies queuing for epidural as well so I didn't get the epidural immediately. 20 minutes later, the midwife came to check on me and I asked for it persistently. She told me that the anesthetist was in operating theater for an emergency c-sect and there was still a lady queuing. She performed another VE and was surprised that I was already 8cm dilated and told me - your epidural ship has sailed. Cheh.

H rubbed my back with love shape massage (or so it called, can't remember exactly) and recited selawat to my ears. It helped to calm me, in a way. Then the midwife inserted some sort of electrode and immediately after, I felt water gushing out. By then I know that my water bag has broken. Heard the midwife said the water was greenish in colour and the baby might have pooped inside. By this time I felt massive pressure to do #2 a.k.a the baby was ready to be pushed and on midwife's cue, I was asked to push when the contraction came. I tried my best to do the birthing breathing or J-breathing but couldn't remember any. At that point I was doing what the midwife told me to do so bye-bye hypnobirthing. Sobs. She helped to put some pressure on the perineum area so that I won't tear much. I think after 3-4 rounds of contractions, my baby was out.

I requested for immediate skin-to-skin contact with my baby and the umbilical cord to be cut only after it has stopped pulsating. H did the honor of cutting the cord. My son however has difficulty in breathing and he was whisked to NICU after I delivered the placenta. Later we were told that he had a "wet" lung and had to be in NICU for constant monitoring as he was also late term preemie. And then the nightmare of 15 days stay at the hospital began, but that was a different story.

Fresh from the oven

In a way I think, hypnobirth partly help me to stay calm and gain composure during the first few hours but somehow I felt guilty for panicking when the intense surges came and lose focus on the breathing towards the end. I wish that I had more time to read and practice but what's done is done as I still had my initial wish, to have a drug-free and natural delivery. I had no episiotomy and had a 2nd degree tear and alhamdulillah, the stitches healed in a week.

So that's the birth story of my son, Aqil Qays who was born at 35 weeks and 3 days weighing 2525g, measuring 44cm at 9.13pm at Oslo Ulleval Universitetssykehus.

AQIL QAYS