Mother Of The Hood

Bila baca balik entri-entri lama, I couldn't believe that some of those entries were written by me. I was like, damn I was funny and where the hell that funny girl has been missing?!!

Masuk bakul angkat sendiri, I know.   -___-"

I know that as of late I sound so serious and tense. Even the kakak urut at the spa and my SIL said the same thing. I got this huge muscle knot at my right shoulder that if you touched it, people might assume that it's the shoulder bone but it's not. It's a tense muscle and no surprise because I've been under so much stress lately. Work stress mainly. Been looking for new job for almost a year but still not fruitful. Been constantly reminded that the rezeki will come, eventually. I admit that generally I have little patience and being a Type A doesn't really help much. Then I heard all these stories about "rezeki anak" and all that it got me thinking, perhaps I have to get pregnant in order to get a new job? But then, employers in Malaysia are known not to hire expecting employees, or at least it is in my field.

Which leaves me in a huge dilemma. And my lack of maternal instinct doesn't help much either. Lepas tu with our traveling plan this year lagi. I am so looking forward to the SGN trip in September and the SIN trip in December, backpackers style. And I get to wear my Jack Purcell again, so excited! See, I get more excited about Converse than diapers and EBM. How to become a mother like that?

But I do know that I want kids, eventually. It's just that at times I feel like I am not ready. And the uncertainty is killing me! And oh, have you not look at baby stuffs/checklist and its price? I seriously cannot comprehend how someone so little can have so many needs, an expensive needs! Tu baru a baby! Can you imagine the needs of a toddler or pre-schooler? Then the usual check-ups, the delivery cost, the antenatal class and the whatsnot is really making me out of breath. It's like the more I am trying to prepare myself for motherhood, the scarier it looks to me.

I am scared and really, I kid you not.


Amalina said...

moose..when the time comes, just go with the flow..and follow ur instinct..so tak payah pening2 nak pk :)

and yes..rezeki anak tu mmg ade..klu tak..camne org dulu2 (and our parents included) buleh besarkan anak yg ramai dgn gaji yg seciput..insya-Allah..semua orang ade bahagian masing2 =)

~Serenity~ said...

hey i feel u! i had the same thinking long before I have my own baby. I scared to death how to deal with babies!I dont think i can handle them since i dont really have that maternal instinct. but it all change in a blink of an eye once u have yr own little flesh and blood on your lap,seriously...u'll love them more than u love yourself and your shoes or your favourite handbags and never mind spending yr single RM for them..no worries, the time will come.hehe ;)

sumpit said...

aku pon hari tu 'almost' left a comment. Edit punya edit, at the end, aku tak jd comment sbb aku rasa comment aku cam agak errrr... emotional hahahaha. well, i guess u can understand why la kot hehehehe...

btw, u2, take care! :)

The Spasmodic Scribbler said...

Moose, I guess in this case different people just have different perceptions and expectation. And we as human being who know nothing about one another should just learn how to respect the decision of others.

I'm sure, when the time comes you'll be ready. God says so, else He wouldn't give the baby to you.

:)) *hugs*

Moose said...

your comment really make me feel a bit relieved! i mean, since you claimed that you dont have that maternal instinct. so you kinda give the insight of what someone like me used to feel like. thank you!

Moose said...

aku mungkin at times, over analyse things kot. so bila tak dpt exact answer or what exactly to expect tu yang cam pening sikit. oh well, cam nawar cam, maybe one day i'll find out

Moose said...

errr, ape yg ko nak komen? hehe. anyway eti, so sorry to hear about the news. but insya Allah, apa yg hilang, ada gantinya.

Moose said...

tula, different people may have different perception & expectation but i am really in a huge dilemma now. so this post is about me venting out what have been building up inside me.